Every once in a while I will look up and ask God, "Why?"
Things that are hard:
Learning to live with someone on a daily basis.
Being that persons punching bag on his most difficult days.
Loving that person even when you cannot stand to look at him.
Loving that person so much it hurts.
Opening up to that person giving him the chance to rip your heart out.
Those are just fears I have, he really is not that mean ;). But it is worth the heart aches I may experience, because he is truly my best friend! And he loves me more than anything.
Knowing that such a small person depends on you for everything is scary.
Having to be a "mean mommy" to teach them something.
Something my mom said to me when I was a kid, "You don't have to like me right now, I am your mommy and I am raising you to be the kind of person I would want as my friend as an adult".
Seeing them get a boo-boo.
Knowing when to let them go and trusting that God is watching them.
Knowing when to listen to advice.
When to ask for help or just do it on my own.
Trusting that you have done a good job teaching them so they will make wise decisions.
Loving them when they make bad decisions.
Being a mom is the most rewarding challenge I have ever taken on. I love it even when I want to rip my hair out and run down Main street screaming!
I know there are people who do not like me and that hurts, so I think "Maybe if I was like...that peron would like me"
Learning to want to be in my own company.
Being proud of me when I accomplish something.
Being OK with going unnoticed. (Its OK if nobody reads my blog it still gets things off my chest.)
Having faith that I am liked by the right people.
Hey God made me and he does not make junk!
Liking what I see in the mirror is good, I am not narcissistic for thinking I look good.
KNOW THY SELF!
I have to choose to love me!
4)Being in an extended Family!
I am still a daughter, sister, niece, aunt, cousin, grand daughter.
Finding the balance between my side and his.
*side note: I love that my parents are willing to celebrate Jesus' birthday on a day that is not Dec 25th, considering scholars have different ideas to when he was born*
I refuse to take a backseat to anyone when it comes to family, and I refuse to put my husband and sons in the backseat.
Loving in-laws for who they are.
Boundaries are very important!
Family is very important and I want them close but I also need my time with just us 4...and just me ;)
When you are little its getting together to play barbies and hand slapping games and watching princess movies.
Being grown up mommy friends means coordinating lunch at Chick-fil-a (so you can talk while the kids play)
Its understanding that even though you don't see each other all the time it doesn't mean she is not thinking about you.
It's making time to see each other.
Picking up the phone and calling her because she may need a break for a minute.
She is not yelling no at you...
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Time apart makes time together more special.
Taking time for your friends with no kids is important too.
Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and apologize.
Not all my close friends have met me face to face and that is OK with me.
I miss my old friends, I think about them often.
It is OK to make new friends.
I love my friends!
So even though life can be difficult, think about what is important and think about the love you have! Its worth the headaches! Love with all you have and trust that life is good. God is good!
In the past I have rubbed many people the wrong way. I can come off as brash and extremely opinionated. I dont mean to be this way. I want to be liked, but I also know what I believe, I want what is best for my family and I wish more families and individuals cared about what is best for them.
I was reading Boy his Bible story out of The Jesus Storybook Bible (he loves that book we have read it 4 times and are half way done again), and Zacchaeus' story hit a certain note in me. If you dont know the story here is a quick overview:
Zacchaeus was a wee little man, and a wee little man was he.
He climbed up in a sycamore tree, for the Lord he wanted to see.
And as the Savior passed him by, He looked up in the tree,
And he said, "Zacchaeus, you come down from there;
For I'm going to your house today, for I'm going to your house today"
Zacchaeus came down from that tree, as happy as he could be,
He gave his money to the poor, and said: "What a better man I'll be."
He was a tax collector but he collected much more than he was supposed to and kept the rest to make himself rich. Jesus was kind to him and Z repented and gave back 4x what he took.
This is a story of true repentance. I am sure Z had a couple set backs and at times had a temptation to take, he may have done it, but he probably kept going and giving back.
So to the people I have hurt in the past. I am truly sorry, I have realized my wrong doings and I understand if you still dislike me. Just understand that I am human, I know I am not better than anyone, and I still have my opinions on certain matters (which I do share here) but it does not mean I think you are dumb or cruel for not agreeing.
I like how Boys book talks about Jesus' forgiveness.
"Jesus loved Zacchaeus when nobody else did.
He was Zaccaeus' friend, even when nobody else was.
Because Jesus was showing people what God's love was like ~
Never Giving Up,
Always and Forever Love"
I am so thankful for that love. I am also truly thankful for my husband who has endured my attitude with a love like Jesus. He is a great man and I am SO blessed to have him. We have our faults but we stick togther and love eachother through it all. Thank you Dustin!
I often wonder why I just cant go crawl in bed some nights. I just have this need to stay up and explore and search for things. Get all my quiet brain time.
No attention grabbing boy, or fussy baby, no body breathing near me. Just me and my wondering mind. I need this time.
I look on Etsy for nifty gift ideas, I search twitter for interesting thoughts. I search for new blogs to read.
Sometimes I take pictures if the mood strikes like this one I took in the bathroom on a green towel, the rings were there, and I felt creative. I am not really into diamonds, I had to have a pearl. I enjoy this me time.
But it must come to an end at the first middle of the night nursings. Yeah Little Brother nurses all night long. The other night this lady told me to put him on a schedule, because he has me on one. Really? Why would I do that. It is much better for us this way. He knows he can trust me with the nursing on demand. We have such a close connection. And since we stay at home, I can rest during his first nap.
This is such a random post...but that is how my brain is at this hour, jumping from thought to thought. After he finishes Im going to bed.