Surrender

The hardest thing to do is let go, we cling so hard to our control over the very fabric that holds us together by insisting that we must know whats best for us. From your cell phone to your car to the chair you sit in at work non of these inanimate objects can function with out your assistance you in essence control them. Then we go as far as thinking we actually have the mental capacity much less the know how to control a person, how many times are spouses guilty of trying to make one another do what they want. The fact of the matter is that we don't have control over anything, at this very moment there are physicists attempting to make protons collide in order to understand how life it's self started, man will always be limited by his own ignorance. We are not even biologically capable of controlling the very chemicals in our brain that control our emotions. As Christians we have trouble casting all our cares at the foot of the throne of God (giving up control) I personally have gone as far as asking if someone could tell me how to do it, the truth is know one can tell you how to hand over your life to Jesus. It's a decision, you must be willing to give up and say "I surrender" and the minute that little seam opens in your heart God will pour in and do the rest, you know you are filled with the Holy Spirit when nothing else but serving your God matters. So fall to your knees with your face to the ground and say to God at this moment " I surrender" all I have is yours, what a great feeling it is to let go of everything you have been caring your whole life and give it up to the Lord God Almighty! in His mighty hands your troubles are like a grain of sand so he has plenty of room for everyone's problems. Have hope Beloved you have someone there waiting for you, eager to help and He has made life, and He will wait as long as it takes for you to let go and fall into His arms.

-D.B.Goodwin

Purpose

"Because of Jesus' perfect work on the cross I am righteous by His blood, and I am greatly Blessed, Highly favored and Deeply loved! I expect good things to come my way. I expect good success and have a confident expectation of good!"

The purpose of life is to live, don't sell your self short by settling for anything less than your wildest dreams. God is willing and waiting He wants to bless you beyond anything you ever thought was possible, because there is no limit to His love for you.

Keeping Good Company

I recently respond to a family member's frustration with friends talking behind his/her back with this statement and I thought I should share it with you guys.

"I have learned that if you ever want to let God prosper you and receive your inheritance from this world, you must start with keeping good company. "Bad company corrupts good character" 1 Corinthians 15:33. You are deceived by the fact that other peoples opinions of you matter and there for robbed of the all the great qualities that God has blessed you with that make you, you. Free yourself from the shackles of society that bind you and become the man you are meant to be a man that is not afraid to stand up for himself, a man that you would be proud to call friend."

-D.B.Goodwin

Halloween!

This year Boy wanted to dress as a Jedi

We had a Golf Pro costume for Brother from Peepaw.

A master trick-or-treater an such a young age.

Hmmm...should I use the 9 iron?

Family portrait at the Pumpkin Patch

The boy and his pumpkin.

Striking a pose

LOOK AT THE PUMPKIN!!!!

I would like to say that Baby Brother is a CANDY MONSTER! He got a taste and will not be happy when it is all gone! Us Goodwin's had a good Halloween, how was yours?

Bullies and the Bullied

So I have started reading the blog Single Dad Laughing and I really enjoy it. A few weeks ago he posted about bullies and his life dealing with them. This was hard to read, I was constantly picked on as a child. I was tall and lanky, all knees and elbows. I wore out of date clothes (mostly hand-me-downs from my sister) that look awful on me. I never felt pretty, I desperately wanted to be every ones friend. We were a military family and I was a perpetual new kid. I cried a lot, but I don't remember ever wanting to kill myself, mostly because I didn't want to hurt my parents. Home was my saving grace. My parents always let me know how much they loved me.
Instead of hating myself I hate cities where I was most unhappy. I hated Tucson AZ. until we went there on a vacation. For my 28th birthday I discovered Tucson was not a horrible, dark, unfriendly, hell hole. It is beautiful with all the mountains and palm trees. I still, however, hold a grudge on Lockhart TX. I was miserable in that town, my days were spent at the library and riding around on my bike avoiding certain neighborhoods where the evil bullies hung out.
I love home though, evn though it was a tiny 2bdrm single wide trailer, and my mom was quite ill(Lupus). Each morning my dad would cook us a hot breakfast and we would do a daily devotional.
In these to places I didn't even have friends my age at church! Adults adored me, but kids thought I was weird. That's until the Blankes came to town and I received the blessing of Krystal and Grace. Without them I would have had nothing. They were homeschooled and we had so many adventures at their home out in the country.
Anyway, as I have grown I have discovered that everyone needs to feel loved, and those that do not lash out at those who do. They have the goal to break down every one so they are below them. As Dan has stated in his blog, "put your arms around a bully" give them a hug. Also love those who are bullied! All of them, no matter the reason!
Yesterday I wore purple to remember the teens who have killed themselves for being bullied for being gay. Yes, conservative Christian Autumn! These kids were God's! He love all of us, no matter where we are in life. And as Christians it is up to us to love them! Shame on those who bullied them and called themselves Christians, shame on people who bully other in God's name. My God is the God of love and compassion. As a Christian I speak the truth in love, and love my neighbor and myself. You are all my neighbors! I expect you to keep me accountable for this. I have some apologizing to do, I know this. I am far from perfect but I am forgiven much, and therefor love much.

I kinda went all over the place with this post...but I hope you get my message.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Introduction

Hello my friends, today I am all jazzed! I finally convinced Dustin to blog! Like everything else in my life, we now will share this special place.

So, without further ado,
I give you Dustin.

Sink or Swim

Learning to swim means letting go of the side of the pool, as child I am reminded of how massive the pool seemed to me and how I was so afraid of the water because it looked deeper beyond what I could see. Learning to swim is not an easy task but eventually you will have to let go. Your relationship with God in the same way requires that you let go of the world and trust in Him to keep you a float, at first you may be frightened of letting go of all the problems and worries you are drowning in, but once you let go of them and come to the surface God will be there holding out His hand to pull you out of the pool of despair. Learning to trust in God is no easy task but eventually if you let go He will pull you out of the water and you will for the first time breath easily.

Hi!

Haven't posted in a while.
I have been busy with school, and parenting and best of all making my marriage stronger than ever.
Prayer and unconditional love and understanding make such a difference! Amen!

Here are some cute moments from a zoo trip we took the other day.

 Talking about what to see first. Deep thoughts.

 Do you see how involved he is?

 Lovin' my babies!

 So big! I love how the bathroom has a sink just for little ones.

 Look at that cute face!

 Gone fishing!

 Knocked out!

Yes friends that is a genuine SMILE!

Boys Grow too fast

Boy is 5 1/2 today, Baby brother is 18 months as of July 24th!


Dear Time,

Stop Flying so fast!!

Thanks,

The Mom

Worldess Wednesday: Don't Mess With Mommy!

School

Kindergarten is just around the corner. Although I am not a fan of public schools as they stand right now. (I hope to change them somewhat when I start teaching, which is another post.)
Boy starts Kinder August 23rd, in a way I am excited for him. I am mostly scared and nervous. What will I do without my precious boy all day? Oh yeah, work on my education.
Anyway here is a list of his supplies.


1 Blunt scissors (Fiskars preferred)
2 Boxes of 16 or 24 count crayons (Crayola preferred)
2 Glue bottles (4 oz. or more, Elmer’s preferred) or 4 glue sticks
1 Set of markers (8 count, washable, Crayola preferred)
1 Set of watercolor paints (basic colors, Crayola or Pang preferred)
6 Pencils, #2 wooden, yellow only, sharpened
1 Large pink eraser or 1 pkg. of pencil top erasers
2 Folders with fasteners and pockets (1 red, 1 yellow)
2 Spiral notebooks (60 – 100 page count or more)
1 Plastic box for school supplies
1 Large boxes of Kleenex tissue
1 Box of Ziploc bags gallon size – girls 1 Box of Ziploc bags quart size – boys
1 Backpack with zipper (13x9 or larger) NO WHEELS, labeled
1 Bath size towel (labeled) – no mats, blankets or pillows
1 Change of clothes (labeled and in Ziploc bag)
* please note – Some supplies will be collected and used as community property. Please do not label supplies unless indicated above.

Is it crazy that they want that specific brand? I need a backpack with his name stitched on it, I also want his name stitched on his towel.
I cannot wait to go shopping! 

Wordless Wednesday

I wont give up.
I am at peace with what I decide.
God will provide.
I must be strong for them.

They are wonderful!

I Should Stop

I need to stop dreaming. Stop coming up with ideas and researching, hes just going to shoot them down.
So next time I get on here and start blogging about a fantastic idea or a dream I may have...tell me to stop, so I dont get hurt.
I am in emotional turmoil right now over turning our life into a great adventure.
I need a change of scenery, I want my boys to see the Grand Canyon and Red Rocks, and The Space Needle. I want to change everything about our life.

But It wont happen...so I am done.
No more kids, no adventure. And probably no homeschooling.

Sunday is Coming

"Today is Friday, but Sunday is coming"
Today we had a great lesson in church. We went!
I sat between Dustin and my mom and Boy spent much of service on my lap. Baby was in Bible class having fun and singing.

It was a good day!

On another note...Why do good shows almost always get canceled? Been watchin Firefly. Makes me talk funny. Love that show! Love Nathan Fallion! Please ABC keep Castle on TV!!!!

Lol.

There you have my random thoughts :)

Five Things Friday

1. My parents keep asking when I will cut Baby Brother's hair; I say "NEVER!!"

2. Boy is so melodramatic!! Everything is such a big deal! Its kinda driving me nuts to be honest.

3. I feel kind of cut off from the world, I don't know why. Maybe I'm afraid how people will react to me with Dustin's disorder. But have I ever been fully part of anything? Just a thought I guess.

4. I felt very special and included at D's cousins baby shower. There are times I wish we could move to Del Rio to be closer to his family...they are full of awesomeness.

5. I got contacts, and I like them a lot! Maybe one day I will get lasik. I like being free of glasses, especially since Baby Brother likes to rip them off my face.

Wishing For Happiness

Imagine if you will, things that bring you simple pleasures. Then imagine getting no pleasure from it even though you desperately want to.

I live for simple pleasures. A glass of sweet tea and a PBJ, a girly movie, silly time with my boys.

Sadly my other half gets no joy from anything. He would be sad at Disney World. He tries to be happy, it just takes an exhausting amount of work on his part.

How do I live with a blue man? Everyday is a struggle and his "make me happy purchases" are making us broke.

I need sanity, and my own happy. Everyday I do what I can to create happy for me and my babies.

I miss this smile being genuine...

Self Weaners

When boy was 15 months he crawled in my lap and contemplated nursing, and decided he was done. No Baby Brother has done the same at 16 months.
I am sad and relieved at the same time. I miss nursing, the bonding, the closeness, and the cuddles. I love the fact, however, that he can spend the night at my sister's house so we can go for short weekend getaways.

I am thrilled that my babies got so much wonderful nutrition from me for so long! Proud nursing mom here!!
Maybe one day I can nurse another fantastic child...I can dream...right?

Hearts Desire

He just does not understand how I could have any such desire. It sounds selfish to him. This desire to him would take away from what I already have. He just does not get it.

How could I not want another child. Another pregnancy. Another birth. Another baby to hold and nurse. Another child to teach and protect. To add more love and beauty to this life...to this world.

More magic, more laughter, more smiles, more dreams.

Yes raising a child can be stressful...but all those moments of aggravation are trumped by the love that fills the heart with joy.

So I ask why is it bad for my heart to desire another life. To grow another chamber so I can fit all my love inside.

Life is beautiful and I want to add to the beauty. Please understand...

Special Lady

So today 31...I mean 29 years and 24 months ago my mom gave birth to her eldest child. My Sister, my friend. I love her so much and I am so thrilled that God put us together. She has 3 amazing kids and is married to a great guy! We don't always see eye to eye and we could never live together. But she is always there for me and she is so very lovable. And did I mention DROP DEAD GORGEOUS?

Mandi have a spectacular day!!

Love you Sissy!

Big Bully!

Whats a mom to do when her 16 month old beats up her 5 year old??
Boy is sitting on my lap crying his eyes out because Baby Brother beat him over the head with a Maraca! Boy is bit, pinched, gets his hair pulled and gets beat for no reason. Boy doesn't retaliate either, he is to tender hearted and sweet. Baby doesn't do this to anyone else. Any help or advice is welcome.

The Culprit!  

Can Ya Feel the LOVE?

Niece M is going to MIDDLE SCHOOL!! The weekend before Mothers Day she went to a retreat with church and then there was a special ceremony where we loved on them all and turned them over from the Children's Ministry to the Youth Group! I approached the Youth Minister and asked if he was ready for another D girl. 

I love this child. She is turning into a sweet tween girl and I look forward to celebrating many more years with her. 

Sissy, M, and I

M was sooooo tired she stayed up most of the weekend!

We Will Survive!

By God's grace we will survive!

It will be a climb

And we may get scared, but we wont be alone

Together we will take a big bite out of life

And watch joyfully and intently

As God's Glorious Grace falls over us like fireworks in the beautiful sky.

AMEN!

This is HARD!

I know yesterday I was optimistic, but today not so much. The mood swings and uncertainty are tearing me apart. I can't think strait, I get so upset. I am afraid of finances. I hate this! I need time to myself but there is no way he is staying alone with the boys. I can't pawn them off on my sister. I really need a friend to tell this to. But I can't burden them with this.

I need to trust in Jesus, but its so hard.

I feel so cut off from the world. I have not been to church, except for once in weeks. I didn't even get to go on Mothers Day. He asked if I want to go to a therapy session, but I don't. It would be like paying to talk to a friend, who really isn't a friend.
Am I making sense? Is anyone reading this?

I Have Been Hiding

Writing this will not be easy, but perhaps it will give me some relief. My husband whom I love so much suffers from Bipolar Syndrome. Life has never really been easy, we have had a bumpy marriage to say the least. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder about 2 years ago and was put on meds to deal with that. 2 years of those meds and 9 months of seeing a psychologist didn't change anything. He had some serious episodes where I thought I was going to lose him to suicide. The weekend before Mother's Day was great, we were busy and did fun things and celebrated a special event for my niece M. But Monday came and he was so depressed and frustrated that he didn't feel any joy at all. So he went to his appointment with his psychologist and she told him to check himself in. My mom watched the boys while we went to a local hospital ER. Sat there from 4PM until after midnight when he was transferred to another facility.
They diagnosed him bipolar and put him on new meds. He took to it really well, but living with a bipolar spouse is hard. I find myself feeling alone and scared. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him so I don't trigger anything.
We are in this together though. I am fighting on his team. We pray everyday for Gods grace to cover us.

So this blog just got a little serious. I will be posting coping skills on here and other info that may help someone living with a bipolar spouse.

For now just know Bipolar Syndrome is real!

Just Wrong

Things I find wrong:

Puppy mills

Chemicals in formula

Formula companies who push themselves on the uneducated

Chemicals in food

Cruelty to animals, even if the animal is for food

Illegal immigration

Crooks who run big business having a say in our government

Criminals getting better treatment in prison then regular citizens get in the real world

Criminals getting abused in prison

People inciting violence

Illegal immigrants getting treated better than Americans in hospitals

Tax dollars going to help fund programs that support abortion

Killing babies

Controlling peoples choices

Lying government officials

Chemicals in toys

Forced institutionalized education

Depending on warring countries for our recourses

Subsidizing corn

Letting business take over crops and seeds

Controlling how much people make in honest wages
Hospitals not allowing VBACs
Outlawing Midwives

Things I think will help:

Adopt from shelters

Breastfeed, seek help

Research formula companies and practices (it will make you sick)

Buy local, the food is safer

Go to the farmers market (small farms respect their livestock)

Let the states crack down, crack down on businesses that bus in illegal’s for cheap labor

Vote out the bureaucrats

Elect more Sheriff Joes

Sheriff Joe may make his prisoners do labor and live in the hot sun but he also cracks down on abuse to criminals

Crack down on those who incite violence, freedom of speech only goes so far (Westborough especially)

America should help her citizens first

Tax dollars should go only to build our infrastructure (roads highways), and pay for protection, i.e. police, firemen, and military

Abortion is not birth control

We as a free republic (yes that is what we were supposed to be) must let people choose how they live. Also means Drs can choose not to do abortions and churches can choose not to employ certain types of people

When lies are uncovered we need to take action, including lies our current people in most offices in both parties

Buy American made wooden toys (ok so my boys don’t like those) Hey big toy companies you’re all jerks and making fun toys with lots of chemicals is wrong!

Homeschool, and stop the nationalized testing, gosh I could go on… its wrong!

Corn Syrup and other corn product are very unhealthy, so is corn fed beef

Companies should not be able buy life and control it, bad ju-ju

However dirt bags that come across dollars in dishonest ways can rot in jail
Fight! Know your body educate yourself, you can VBAC, find a new Dr or a midwife that will help
Midwives are the best at helping babies out research birth options and get to know a midwife

So here is my list add if you like.

El Paso/Tucson March 2010 Part one

Spring Break was a real treat this year. We went to El Paso where my dad has his current job for his company. After a couple days in EP we went to Tucson Az to spread the ashes of my Nanan, Papaw, and Uncle Robin. Nanan could never bring herself to spread my Uncle's ashes since he died so young from a car crash. She didn't spread Papaw's because she wanted them to be in Az where she considered home and not Missouri where she hated living.
We kept the trip light since all had been mourned. It was more of a celebration of life. My Parents, Sister and her 3 kids, My brother and his wife and their two kids, and me and my boys. Sadly D and my sisters husband both had to work.
I know you want pictures.

Gotta love those cousins, Big B and TJ!

Traveling Jammies...so comfy

The youngest cousin! Miss L 

Awesome Cousin T, Boy cannot wait to see him again.

Watching a movie with Noni. I think it was Over the Hedge.

St Patricks Day at our favorite store...Costco...no seriously we love Costco.

My Birthday...without D...kinda sad, but my family helped ease the pain of being away from him.

The next day we drove to Tucson for the next part of our adventure. Stay tuned for part 2...tomorrow God willing.

Belated Birthday Post

What a slacker!
That is what I have been!
Did not do a birthday post!
And I have not blogged since February!
So here it is:
The Birthday Party!

Boy maybe looking forward to a modeling career? SO HANDSOME!

Its his party and he'll cry if he wants to.

Yeah I made that cake!

Made his too!

Presents!

LOVE these shirts!

Brotherly love cuteness!

Family picture

On the way home he couldn't stop talking about his party...in fact he still talks about it.

 

And while the big one talked...the little one snoozed.

Wordless Wednesday:Friendship is a blessing from God!

"G"s And "I"s

Re-Introduction to Us

The Family G

The Hubby

The Wifey

The Boy

The Baby Brother

Family Portrait 

The Brothers Lovin on each other.